A Complete Super Bowl Review

Super Bowl, oh, Super Bowl! I love you!I hate Philadelphia. I have always thought of it as the armpit of America. I take any opportunity to trash the City of Brotherly Love, but I have something to admit. I have some great things to say about the city. I usually keep them locked in the vault, but on a glorious day like today, we must celebrate. As a die-hard Tom Brady fan, I didn’t want to continue this ridiculous “GOAT” conversation with Patrick Mahomes. As the Bro Code states, game must recognize game, so I understand how great Patrick Mahomes is. With that said, he ain’t no fucking Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr. He has now gotten his ass clapped in two Super Bowls. Tom might’ve lost some Super Bowls (fuck you, Eagles, here), but he never got his ass whooped like a little misbehaving baby. I never thought I would be put in a place where I was screaming “Go Birds!” and “Fly Eagles Fly,” but I did what I needed to do to protect Tom’s legacy. This is where my friends would tell me to stop the “glazing.” I can’t stop glazing because game must recognize game. I want to take a moment to say that I have always loved Saquon “The Quad-Father” Barkley. This isn’t bandwagoning—I have receipts from before he left the Giants. I’m very happy for him. I hosted a watch party with two of my friends in my dorm’s basement. We had a lot of people come (mostly for the halftime show). The energy was great, and it was a really fun night. The commercials were way better this year—I thought last year sucked. Glen Powell, Instacart, ChatGPT, and Pringles carried. Everyone knows how much I love my man, K-Dot, Kung-Fu Kenny, Mr. Morale, Kendrick Lamar. The “glaze” has been well documented over the years. My friends even said, “Wait for Jones to glaze and say it was the best halftime show ever.” I write this post in all sincerity because although game must recognize game, game must also recognize when game must improve. It is a harsh reality of the Bro Code. I think Kendrick is an artist. Everything he touches is gold. He is like Jesus when he turned water into wine. Was that Jesus or God? I’m not sure. However, I don’t think the Super Bowl was the right stage for him. I think the Super Bowl is meant for more mainstream, catchy singers/bands. His rapping ability is second to none, but you can’t really sing along. I think my generation liked it, but we have to look at the bigger picture. I also think he could’ve played more popular songs instead of his new ones off GNX. I thought it was good, if not great. I do think they should bring it back a step or two on the artistry. Get someone back on like Coldplay, Beyoncé, or U2 (I was forced to write that) who everyone can enjoy. To end this post, I want to thank the Philadelphia Eagles for their win. It was a great murder to watch. I’m now going to write four nice things about Philadelphia before I start hating them again. Happy Monday everyone! 

FLY EAGLES FLY

(Last time I’ll ever have to say that, hopefully.)

4 Nice Things to Say About Philadelphia

1. They have the best sandwich ever named after them. The Philly Cheesesteak is a gift from the gods above. Every time I eat one, I say, “Holy Jesus, fuck yes!”

2. The first time I saw Tyler, The Creator was in Philadelphia. That day holds a special place in my heart. Driving down there at the last minute with my momma and having a great time. Thank you, Philly!

3. They have a big-ass bell.

4. Nico is from there.