A Stressful Week Complete

Last week was overly stressful. I would say thank God it’s over and I get some downtime, but I oddly enjoyed being stressed. It was just a different kind of stress this week. Sometimes I feel like a waste of space or like I waste all of my time. I could be doing something worth something for my future. People tell me that I’m special, and then I just sit in my dorm and dream about what I could be doing with my future. I hate the word; just saying stress makes me feel like crap. I’m a harsh critic of my life and how I spend my time. I know I ultimately decide what I do, but I feel like two different people. Stress makes me feel like one person. It makes a week go by fast, and I feel productive when I get everything done. Last week, I felt like I was pretty productive and had a lot going on. There are plenty of stressed-out people in the world, and sometimes I forget that it is all relative. I compare myself to others, instead of focusing on me. This week had very little downtime, and if there was, it wasn’t fully me-time. Even the happy simple things brought me stress. I was so excited to have Violet down to the city, and we had a great time, but whenever someone is here they become my number one priority. I worry so much that she will have a good time here, but I still have to do what I need to do. That creates guilt and stress. I’m four weeks into my semester, and I haven’t had a ton of work to do so far. Of course, this week, everything ramped up. Three projects with tight deadlines and a few papers to write. I pride myself on how I get things done, but I felt like I gave eighty percent for my work this week. That creates stress and guilt too. This week I haven’t got any more work done on the t-shirts we are selling, even though those mean the fucking world to me. That creates guilt and stress. I also had all of my interviews and decision letters for the different RA application processes. My fate for next year set into a week and a half isn’t something I’m used to. This week has been a great learning lesson. I know I need to take care of my head and myself over other things. One of the questions in my personal interview asked me about my time management. I said that my time management skills are amazing, but I make daily goals in my head and reorganize them based on priority. I left myself off my goals for this week. I want this blog to be as honest as possible and to hopefully bring you some kind of insight into how I view things. This makes it extremely personal. I feel like I leave my life out on a page every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I try to not care what people think, but it's natural to hope people like what I have to say. That adds to my stress every week. I’m excited to have a day off today and my morning class got canceled for tomorrow. I’m gonna watch the new season of Drive to Survive and play some Call of Duty with my friends. My RA application is out of my hands now and I just have to wait. I’ll keep my blog updated as the process continues. I’m proud to say this is the 69th post in a row without missing a single day. That brought me great joy to see that number. I didn’t even plan it being post sixty-nine; it just was a coincidence. I’ve never been good at getting into habits, but this blog has been so helpful. Happy Monday everyone and see you Wednesday with some more upbeat programming (hopefully)!