Fake Interests

Whenever people ask me what I’m interested in, I’m never quite sure what to say. I’m interested in almost everything, but of course, there are things I love more than others. I’ve never been very comfortable saying I’m really into something because I don’t want to seem like a fake fan of something or someone. I also jump around hobbies so often that I don’t want people to associate me with something I don’t really like anymore. When I was decorating my room, I didn’t really want to put up posters of things. I don’t want people to come into my room and think all I am is a fan of that thing. I think posters, room decor, clothing, computer stickers, and things like that tell you a lot about people. Whenever I see that stuff, I hate to say it, but I make assumptions and judgments. I think it’s human nature to make judgments—I’m just honest about it. My own thoughts of others make me not want to put much of that out into the world because I don’t want the judgment back. It’s quite hypocritical of me, but I can’t really help it. I want people to judge me for my actions, not my posters or decorations. I’ve always said I don’t care what people think about me. It’s not that I care what they think—I care that they judge me, and I don’t get to know the reasoning. I guess I don’t really care if people judge me by my clothes. That’s something I couldn’t really care about, but that’s a personal thing. I also don’t like saying my interests because I know I’m not special. Tons of people are into the same things I am. When I say what I like, I feel like people are going to think, “Oh wow, he loves insert interest here, isn’t he special?” in a sarcastic way. I don’t want people to think I think I’m special. I know I’m not. I just happen to like a lot of things, and I like to get to a fluent conversation level of knowledge in whatever I can. I’ve kind of lost that in the last year, but I still try my best. That’s why I liked the podcast so much. It was a way to talk about random stuff with cool people. If only I was still doing it (It’s coming back! And very soon too!). I don’t like when people mention their interests in a “look at me!” kind of way. Everyone has interests. There’s no reason to say it in a “look at me!” kind of way. Since I hate when people do that, I really try not to do the same. Maybe I should be prouder of what I’m interested in. Maybe people are just proud, and I take it the wrong way. It’s very interesting to me. Well, I have some homework to do. Happy Monday, everyone! Hope it’s a good one!