How Am I An Adult?

The law is funny sometimes. Laws are like the rules your kindergarten teacher wrote on a humongous post-it note on the first day of school, but for everyone in the country to follow. The police are like hundreds and hundreds of angry kindergarten teachers. I’m not sure what bozo sat down in a room and decided you are legally an adult at 18, but this bozo clearly hasn’t met me. I think that law is so funny. You have to pass a test to operate a motor vehicle. You have to take a test at the end of every semester to prove you are proficient in whatever it is you were learning. You have to take tests all the fucking time. Why is there not a test to become a legal adult? I think this is something these bozos should look into. I’m being totally honest, and I don’t think I could pass the test. If it was up to me, it would be a multi-day test where you prove your adultness. You have to prove responsibility to the state. They’ll make you cook for yourself. They’ll make you clean up after yourself. They’ll make you do your laundry AND put it away. They’ll make you use your big boy words. They’ll make you set a schedule and follow it. They’ll see if you are responsible enough to drink and vote. I think this test would be a pain in the ass, but people would be so much more prepared for college and the real world. Everyone would have to show their adult card whenever they want to do something that isn’t Cocomelon related. We could even have “Adult In Training” cards for the youngsters. Clearly, this is a joke and a bit radical. I’m just concerned for the folk who are like me and are considered legal adults, but don’t really know their ass from a hole in the wall. I think it's interesting how I mooched my way through life until I was eighteen, and I’m supposed to take care of myself. To be honest, I don’t think I’m bad at taking care of myself. I get to things on time, I eat occasionally, and I don’t get in danger. I, however, do not know how to pay taxes and shit like that. I hate those annoying shits in school that say, “Why are we learning math? Why aren’t you teaching me to pay my taxes?!” I hate them, but to be honest, I’d love to learn what a tax is and why I’m paying Uncle Sam so much fucking money all the time. I’m thinking I could spend all the money he takes from me way better than he can. He wastes it all the time. I never waste money. I’m a financial wizard, kinda. So, should we have to pass a responsibility test? No. I do believe we should have to prove responsibility somehow. No one should come to college and think it is okay to leave a shit in the toilet or a clump of hair in the shower. Happy Wednesday, everyone!