I Am A Criminal Now

Since I’m a really stubborn and cheap guy, I jump the turnstiles whenever I use the subway. I think it is fucking bonkers that they have everyone pay about $3 every time they ride. Now, I know it takes a lot of money to upkeep the subway and pay their employees. They make a ridiculous amount of money, and it doesn’t show at all. The stations are disgusting, the workers are underpaid and look unhappy, and the trains are never fucking working. If I, a college student, have to pay $6 every time I go to and from work (and many people have to pay way more for an average day of commuting), then I think the stations and workers should be well taken care of. They shouldn’t be getting paid minimum wage, and there shouldn’t be human shit on the steps of the One Train’s exit. I could rant on and on about how I hate the pricing of the subway, but I want to tell the story of how it finally caught up to me. I always knew there was a chance of getting caught by the NYPD. They stand at almost every station (great waste of time, by the way) and just wait for their big moment. I would be so pissed if I went through all the training and then had to bust college kids jumping a turnstile. Someone just got shot and killed in New York City, but god forbid I jump a turnstile. The station I take to work never has any NYPD. I usually do a quick peek and make sure the coast is clear. Today, I was just sloppy. As I jumped the turnstile, the train was coming into the station. I just kept going and tried to get on. I heard someone yell at me, but that’s not uncommon. Usually, it’s an MTA worker, but this time it was the NYPD. The officer ran after me (I had my back turned) and forcefully grabbed my arm and pulled me back. First, I was like, who the hell is touching me, and why are they pulling me back? That is dangerous! I was bumping K-Dot Kenny, Kendrick Lamar, so I couldn’t hear anything. Then I realized what my fate was. It was two very serious officers. Both of them looked like they just won an Olympic medal in being serious. They had RBFs and let me know I was being recorded. I gave them my ID, and they asked why I jumped the turnstile. I really wanted to ask if she went to basic kindergarten because, obviously, I just don’t want to pay the fare. It isn’t rocket science, lady. These two cops were useless (I’m biased). I ended up still making it to work on time, which would’ve really pissed me off if I hadn’t. The $100 fine also sucks, but I’ve evaded so many fares that I’m just paying back a portion of what I owe. I’m a new man now. Criminal. My new identity will focus on trying to right the ship. I’ll be the comeback kid. To end this post, I do want to say that I will be paying my fares from now on. I’m too scared and such a wuss (I didn’t pay on my way home, but it’s the last time—I swear!). Okay, I’m just trying to make light of a bad situation. I’m sorry MTA and NYPD officers (kinda). Happy Friday! Free Max!