I Have No Rizz.

A word added to a lot of people’s vocabulary over the last two years or so is “rizz.” Anytime this word is used around anyone that isn’t a Generation Z TikTok degenerate, they always ask what it means. I’m not too sure where it came from exactly. I’ve heard it comes from the word charisma. That makes sense, but I’ve heard a number of other things. I hate myself for letting myself use this word frequently. It is slightly embarrassing, but it can be a great, easy word to use. The best way I explain it to people that don’t understand “rizz” is just telling them to replace it with its predecessor, game. Having “rizz” is just like having good game. It’s the ability to woo someone or talk to someone, typically in a romantic or flirty way. I’m writing this post to explain to you that I have no “rizz.” I have absolutely no game. I am (or I was) embarrassingly bad at talking to women. This begs the question: how in the fuck did I end up in a very long, happy, successful relationship? Violet and I are celebrating our two-year anniversary on Sunday, and I still sometimes have to ask her, Why in the fuck does she love me? She gives me the same answer every time. I still don’t understand! The first time we ever hung out, I said some of the cringiest lines of all time. I told her my dream was to be a goat farmer for whatever reason. I tried using the “counting shoulders” technique to put my arm around her. I told her because she got to pick which side of the bed she sat on, I should get to put my arm around her. There was another time when we were watching New Girl, and people on screen started kissing. I looked at her and said, “Well, this would be an awkward time to make a move,” and then proceeded to kiss her. I mean, what the fuck is all that? She must’ve been ungodly uncomfortable. I feel guilty now about how terribly creepy that is. I don’t know why she came back over again, but I’m so glad she did. It’s been a great two years, and I am so fucking lucky. Maybe having no “rizz” is, in itself, having great “rizz”? I think when I’m super nervous, I just say shit. That might not be the best way to impress someone you really like. Along with being cheesy and embarrassing, I used to get very obsessive. Luckily, I think Violet likes that I’m obsessed with her. In the past, I did or said things that were way over the top because I thought it would be seen as sweet or cute. No, it wasn’t sweet or cute. It was just fucking weird. Looking back on things, I sucked. I made some people probably uncomfortable. As a high schooler, you just don’t see it in the moment. It is all in good means, but that doesn’t mean it comes off like that. I have way too many regrets about what I thought was “rizz.” I mean, I wrote a note for a girl and left it on her car window overnight so she’d see it in the morning. That’s weird. No one wants a note left openly on their car door, especially if they just aren’t into you. No one wants you sending them paragraphs all the time. No one wants to be asked to hang out every single day. I could’ve been in that movie He’s Just Not That Into You about seven different times. I just never picked up on it. Violet was a great sport for letting me write this. She supplied some of the examples I used. She texted me, “You were so silly and cringey. It was hilarious to live through. No offense, love you lots.” She also told me that my “rizz” is being unapologetic, goofy, and a suck-up to her. I can’t say enough how lucky I am that I found someone who loves me for me. I don’t need “conventional rizz” anymore. I need to have “relationship rizz,” and I guess I do! I hope you had a great Wednesday, everyone. I saw Paul Mescal shirtless four times, so I know I did!