Lives I'll Never Live

This is the last post of 2024. I’m glad that this year aligns with my posting schedule, and I’ll be able to post a year review on New Year’s Day again. I’ve been thinking about my year a lot over the last few weeks, and it’ll be an interesting review to write. To be honest, I’ve been looking forward to writing it too. Since I’ve had such a good idea of what this Wednesday’s post will be, I wasn’t quite sure how to finish out the year on a good note. I thought Friday’s post was pretty funny, and I wanted today to be another silly season kind of post. I had a few ideas but wasn’t exactly sure how to make them funny or relevant. I decided that it doesn’t need to be funny, interesting, or relevant! Today’s post is a short list of lives that I’ll never live but would be interested in trying for a day. It doesn’t mean I want to live these lives forever, but I’m all in on trying new things for a little bit. Please don’t take this too seriously. Anyway, here’s my short list of lives I’ll never live, but want to try!

1. A Stripper/Prostitute

I feel like this is a wild first life to live, but I think it’d be so interesting for a day. I’ve never been able to shake ass very well, so I know this career path isn’t in my future. I watched Anora recently, and I think a day of that would be quite the thrill. Tricking sad men into handing me money? Sounds fun! Obviously, there are some terrible aspects of this job, but for one day? Let me try.

2. An Irish Woodworker

I found this guy on TikTok that seems like he lives an interesting life. He has a heavy Irish accent and makes cool things out of wood. He’s using all these tools and carving shit up. I don’t know if people would trust me with sharp tools, though. He’s got sawdust all over him and looks like a man’s man. I’m not a very crafty person and can’t make anything, so let me try being an Irish woodworker for a day.

3. A Rapper

Do you ever see those “10 Things I Can’t Live Without” videos on YouTube with rappers? They have these huge chains covered in diamonds. They seem like they’re hiding some shit too. Also, the idea of being famous for a little bit sounds nice to me. I would like to be like the new Lil Yachty—not the old Lil Yachty. Cool and collected, while making different genres of music. I’m terrible at singing, but rapping? I might have a chance at that.

4. 007

I think every guy has wanted to be James Bond in their lifetime. I think this life speaks for itself. It would be really cool, but I’m a wuss, so I wouldn’t be able to kill anyone. A fly would try to mess with me, and I’d lose the fight. I also wouldn’t be able to take a punch, so that’d be an issue in its own right.

5. President of the United States

I think this answer is quite obvious. I’d want to live a day in the life of the president so badly. I wouldn’t want to be a wartime president, but a Joe Biden president—beaches and bike rides. I would hate having the responsibility over so many people’s lives, and I wouldn’t deal with the hate very well, but I just want to know all the secrets. Presidents know some fucked up shit the public might never know, and I want to see what it is.

6. Bonus Life: Gracie Abrams

Famous and Paul Mescal? Nuff said.

I hope you enjoyed my not-so-in-depth reasons for wanting to see what another life is like. I love my life, but it does bum me out that I’ll never be able to experience some of these things. You can never want another life until you try it, and I’ll never be able to try these. Happy Monday, and I’ll see you next year!