Long Distance Relationships

I never thought I’d be a part of a long-distance relationship. I need physical touch constantly. I was coddled as a kid. I was constantly getting hugs, kisses, and cuddles. It's really weird to me that those kinds of things translate to intimate relationships in the future, but they do! I had a very short-term long-distance relationship before, if you can even call it that, and I hated it. It was disgusting. I swore to every god that's ever been believed in that I would never participate in anything of the sort ever again. Going into senior year of high school, I also swore off any relationships. I knew I’d get too attached and didn’t want to have to deal with leaving them in the summer for college. I’ve never been good at swearing things off. I’ve always been awful at it. It was no different this time. Not only did I start dating Violet with only three months left of school, we also decided to try to keep things going after I left for college. Here I am, seven months after I left, still in a long-distance relationship. In all honesty, I didn’t think either of us was capable of that. I’m writing this post to say that I still hate long-distance. Nothing has changed. I’m not built for this situation at all! It has been a long and difficult journey. I like when things are easy. Being close to Violet is so easy, being far away isn’t. Luckily, I have been able to come home a lot to see her, but the weeks I can’t come home suck. As Violet would probably tell you, I’m not very good at long distance. I don’t really know how she puts up with me. She said I live in my own bubble, and I don’t totally disagree. I disconnect very easily, and sometimes I forget to do my duty as a boyfriend. I think as time goes on, I’ve been disconnecting more and more. In my head, I’m doing everything okay, but to her, the world might be collapsing. I’ve always had in my head that I’m a great boyfriend, but now I constantly can’t stop telling myself I’m awful. When Violet got into NYU, it put a great relief into our relationship. It meant once I got home for the summer, we would no longer have to do long distance again. When I moved into my dorm next semester, she would also be moving into NYC. It really felt like we were just fighting to make it to the end of this school year and everything was going to be okay. We are almost there, and I’m definitely starting to feel that relief. We made it. It sucked, but we made it through. I feel like when we put the idea of just having to make it to the end, it definitely made the relationship feel weird. I thought it would make things easier, but it didn’t. It just continuously made the end of the year come slower and slower. I’m so excited for it to be summertime and not have to worry about any of this anymore. It’s put a bit of a damper on this year, but it is worth every little bit of it. Happy Monday, everyone, and I love you, Violet!