Think Of Me Then

I brought my computer to work today to try and solve the problem I am experiencing right now. I wanted to finish my post so as soon as I got home I could eat my dinner and fall asleep. Obviously, that didn’t happen because I ended up chatting my whole lunch break away. I woke up early today to go to the gym before work. The air conditioner is getting replaced this weekend, so it was really hot inside the store. The waking up early and heat mixed into a violent cocktail of exhaustedness. Is that a word? Does that make sense? When I wrote it, it made sense. When I read it, it did not. Anyway, I got back to my dorm, ate my dinner, and got in bed. I set an alarm for 10:00 PM and 10:30 PM so I could wake up to write this post. Incredibly stupid idea in hindsight. I’m shocked I woke up. Now I’ll probably be up all night because I didn’t just stay asleep. What I should’ve done is written my post, then eaten dinner and called it a night. Or maybe shut my damn mouth and written it during my lunch break? It was a quick little nap, but a needed one. I woke up and had no fucking idea where I was. That is a clear sign that the nap was needed. Once I found my coordinates (my bed), I looked around the room for signs of danger and intruders. The coast was clear, obviously. I had a few missed text messages. I answered some of them, but not all of them. I ain’t desperate. These are all things taught in Max’s Naptime Necessities Survival Guide (flashlight sold separately). Yeah, now I’m here talking to you beautiful (or maybe not, I can’t see you) people. My mom would tell me that was mean to put in there. I’m sure only beautiful people are reading this (I’m not sure of that). God dammit, my mom hates me! Every time I sit down to write these posts and I’m about to hit publish, I wonder what the response will be. Will people like it? Will people hate it? Will people reach out about whatever the topic is? Does anyone actually read these things? Instead, I hope you are reading this with your Saturday morning coffee and croissant thinking about me. If you are up and reading at 8:00 AM, think of me sweating in a steam room like an oiled-up pig. If you are reading around 12:00 PM, imagine my cute little face sitting politely as I take my first fifteen-minute break of the day. If you enjoy my posts while you eat your Saturday lunch, join me at 2:00 PM as I eat a rotisserie chicken from Whole Foods. If you are delayed and don’t read this till 7:00 PM, imagine my grumpy (but still cute) face as I walk across the park looking exhausted from work. After all this thinking about me (thank you by the way, it means a lot), I want you to think about what I think of you. Whatever it is, it's probably true! GOD DAMMIT MY MOM HATES ME! Positive thoughts only though, you’d know if I would say bad things. Apparently, I’m “too outspoken” about things like that. I’m trying my best here. See you Monday, you beautiful people! Happy weekend and Friday everyone!