What Do I Think Of You?

I don’t really have a lot to say today. Would you rather know exactly what everyone thinks of you or know as much as you know now? I don’t think I would want to know anymore. Although I am D1 at not giving one flying fuck, it is an interesting question. The reason I thought of this is because there are some people I follow on Instagram that I’m not very close with, but I know them. They are either friends-adjacent, had a class with them, or some kind of connection. They have no idea how I think of them, but there are some people I think are really cool. I don’t know if that means I would talk to them in person because I’d get nervous and start fangirling. I don’t know if I’d want to be closer friends with them because I don’t want their image to be destroyed in my head. I kind of like them being acquaintances that I think just do the coolest stuff and have nothing bad going on in their life. That's the beauty of Instagram. You just post the cool shit and leave out the heartache and mental illnesses. Or maybe you don’t leave that out, but I probably don’t follow you then. I like the glorification of life on Instagram. I like seeing what people are doing that makes them happy. I don’t understand the mentality that my life sucks because someone else is doing something cooler on Instagram. We have LinkedIn for that bullshit all day long. I don’t really post on Instagram because I don’t feel obligated to. People should already know by now I lead a pretty boring life. The only thing my Instagram sees are these blog posts on my story. My life is great, don’t get me wrong, but damn do I get jealous of how cool these people are sometimes. I was planning on making a list of the people, but then I really am glazing. I can’t be caught red-handed looking like a thirteen-year-old 2012 One Direction fan for these people. I’d never socially recover. I wouldn’t get the “Hey Max! How are you? How was your summer? Do you still work at Ralph Lauren?” in the dining hall anymore. Those make my day (from these people, not everyone). I should start living a more mysterious life. Maybe that would make my Instagram look cooler. I don’t know if I am jealous of these folk or just aspiring to be them. Yeah, I wouldn’t want to know what people think of me. I like what I know now. I can continue to assume I’m disliked and not show up to any events. I prefer it that way anyhow. Maybe there is someone out there that thinks I’m super cool and wants to be me for a day. There are so many people I would want to be for the day. I don’t know who I would choose first. Probably André, so I could try and get his mentality and outlooks. My cat died yesterday. Every time someone or a pet dies I get pretty sad and frustrated. I think that is the normal reaction. He was a great fucking cat. He almost transcended the cat role in our house. He was the keeper of the house and a friend to all. Not only is it sad that he died, but the idea of death pops back into your head. One day someone in my family will die and I will have to wake up and keep going. That sounds fucking awful, but you have to. I’m not looking forward to that. Obviously. It all sucks. It's weird how it affects other aspects of your life too. I took a break from writing to update my golf statistics spreadsheet. It is super cool. It makes me happy. Well, I think you are super cool. I can’t hold my tongue, I might not think you are cool and most likely I wouldn’t trade lives with you for a day. But, that is okay! Rest in peace Richard! Happy Birthday, Violet! I love you to death! See you all next week. Happy Wednesday!