What If I Die Tomorrow?

I've thought about this a lot. What if I die tomorrow? It’s not the craziest thing to consider. I have a lot of things that won’t just disappear. I also have a lot of people who care about me. If I die tomorrow, I think it’d be quite a shame—not only for me, because I love being alive, but also for everyone else in my life. I think people who don’t consider what happens if they die aren’t well-prepared. Nobody wants to be friends with the guy who dies and leaves his stuff with no plan. Then you have to deal with it, and nobody wants to handle all the dead guy’s belongings. You’ll feel guilty throwing stuff out, and it’ll be a whole thing. I’m solving everyone’s problem in one blog post. If I die tomorrow, or the next day, or anytime in the near future, I have outlined a clear plan for my friends and family. First of all, my funeral isn't an open invite. I do not want it to be a celebration of my life with people who did some crappy things to me. If you were fake when I was alive, I bet you’re still fake when I’m dead. Second, I have a will written and ready to go. If you didn’t get anything, you clearly should’ve asked or meant more to me. I don’t have enough to go around to everyone I like or love, so I actually do feel bad about that. I wish I could give bits of my ashes to everyone. Then, I’d sit on everyone’s shelf because they wouldn’t want to toss out the poor dead guy’s ashes. If I die tomorrow, I want everyone to be happy I was here, instead of being sad that I’m gone. Nobody likes being sad, and I don’t want your last memory of me to be one of sadness. I want people to rejoice when I die, so they think fondly of me and my death. I guess it would suck if I died here in the city. None of my family is here. Violet would have to be the one to call everyone. My residents would probably think I’m a pretty crappy RA too. Everyone hates talking about dying. They see it as a warning sign. I want to be very clear: I do not want to die anytime soon. I just don’t want to be the dead guy who people thought was unprepared. I hope they serve plenty of Coke and Vitamin Water at my funeral. There could be a Snickers station too. I want a funeral because I think it is important for closure. I also would like people to read nice paragraphs about me. I want as many people as possible to speak. I wish I could professionally speak at funerals. I guess that would suck. Death kinda blows, to be honest. On a happy note, it is Wednesday! Happy Wednesday, everyone!